Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
