i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
