I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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