apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
