I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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