i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize