I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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