Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
accomplished twins. life is a go
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
