I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
