what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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