He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
