I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
