it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
