dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
