Yo dont text me then not text me
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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