At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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