Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
