i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
