Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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