I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
