Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
