i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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