what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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