I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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