You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
