it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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