Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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