Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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