well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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