no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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