happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
