You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The power of my boobs compel you
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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