Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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