I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
