So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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