I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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