I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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