he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
