i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He better not be in your backpack
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
