Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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