You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
