Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
