angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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