Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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