Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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