well most of my day revolves around power hour
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Randomize
