My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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