the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
