Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
