I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I am midnight drunk by noon
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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