My room smells like vodka and shame
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
