Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
