I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Who put my cat in the fridge?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
