Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
