I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
my poor anus
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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