do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Drunk is not a location!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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