I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
