i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
