last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize