I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
