Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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