I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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