Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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