I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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